Jump in bed and cover your head ’cause…

This morning, at work…

M: How do you spell “Santa”?
MH: Just spell it your own way, and Santa will figure it out.

Turns out maybe that wasn’t the best approach:

Good thing I have a lock on my bedroom door.

my people

There are people you meet, and you click with them, and it’s instantly like they were always a part of you.

It can be romantic, but it’s not always, and in the particular instance I’m thinking of, it never was, despite that one truth-or-dare session that ended in a kiss.  Like kissing my brother, man.  The brother I never had, I guess.

The point is, you know someone is your people when you set your chat status as “whatever, umad” and they immediately change theirs to “whatever, joan.”

❤

Thanks for being my people.  The world feels a little safer when I know you have my back.

all there is

Remember back in, what, 2000 or whatever, when Harry Potter was the big thing and I refused to read the books because if everyone likes them, how great can they be?  And then I finally gave in and now they are a favorite?

Well…  that’s a theme for me, I guess.

The past week or so, I finally gave in and read:  1) Me Talk Pretty One Day and 2) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

Naturally, I quite liked them both.

The problem with putting off reading things for years because they’re too popular to be awesome, and then being wrong and finding out they are awesome years after everyone else learned it, is that when you want to talk about those things, everyone else has already moved on to the next thing.

Anyone want to forgive me for being perpetually late to the party and talk Sedaris with me?

The best of the internet

This is a thing of beauty:  http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7487121/

And this is a(nother) thing of (a totally different kind of) beauty: http://www.typographyforlawyers.com/

What I need in my life is more people who are able and willing to nerd out about typography for lawyers with me.  Any takers?

party favors

I took the kids out to the country for the traditional Havisham family Thanksgiving extravaganza.  Laundry — literal and figurative — was hung out to dry; squirrels were eaten; produce was plundered from our cousins’ garden down the road.

We came home with four sacks of food:

A refrigerated ready-made pie crust, three pounds of granulated sugar, almost a pound of light brown sugar, five pounds of red potatoes, a pound of angel hair pasta, a box of au gratin potatoes, a partial box of Townhouse crackers, the remnants of a loaf of garlic parmesan French bread, five bananas, two rolls, a bottle of dill relish, two pounds of butter, one small canister of chicken base, half a pound of celery hearts, two ounces of olive oil, two pounds of clementines, two pounds of grated sharp cheddar cheese, one jar of grape jelly, half a jar of strawberry preserves, half an onion, one jar of Italian seasoning, fourteen eggs, one pound of Blue & Gold sausage…

and nineteen turnips.

…

Anybody got any good turnip recipes?

Where’ve I been?

Oh, you know…  around.

Last night at dinner, Max was showing off his math skills.  “Six plus six equals twelve.  Sixty plus sixty equals twelvety.”

Great work, son.  Make me proud.

The Spaghetti Taco Experiment

Yesterday, we ate spaghetti tacos.  Thank you, iCarly.

They actually weren’t at all bad.  They weren’t great — after the first one, I switched to taco-shell-less spaghetti, and so did the kids — but they weren’t bad!

Here’s what we did:

Step 1: I made my usual meat sauce.  This is an ever-evolving recipe that consists pretty much of a) ground meat, b) whatever vegetables I have on hand; c) spices; d) canned tomato products of some kind.

Yesterday, I had a little over a pound of ground meat — “meatloaf mix” from the meat market.  I believe it’s lamb, pork, and beef.  We browned this with some spices (oregano, Italian seasoning, thyme, rosemary — normally I’d use basil but we were inexplicably out) and olive oil.

Once it was browned, we added veggies.  I had onions, garlic, button mushrooms, and carrots (which I grated; I can’t abide chunks of carrot in my sauce, but love the sweetness they add when grated).  So those went in with more olive oil, and cooked until the onions were almost tender.

Then we added two jars of store-bought sauce (Bertolli olive oil and garlic; Bertolli tomato and basil) and two cans of diced no-salt-added tomatoes.

Simmer until thickened.

Then we boiled up some thin spaghetti and baked some taco shells.  I think the taco shells are where we went wrong.  Our usual brand is La Tiara, which are thin and very crispy and perfect for tacos.  But the liquid nature of *spaghetti* tacos meant that the La Tiara shells got kind of soggy.  A thicker brand would have been a better choice for this experiment.

Anyway, we dumped about half the sauce in with the noodles and mixed it up, and then filled the shells with it.

And it wasn’t awful.  It was definitely something we’re glad we tried.  But…  I don’t think they’ll ask for it again any time soon.

On learning to read:

M: Mom, how do you spell “diarrhea?”
MH: Um…  why?
M: It’s really important, I need to know.
MH: Okay…  D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A.
M: Okay, thank you.  How do you spell “Wimpy Kid?”
MH: Max…  you do know that “Diary of a” and “diarrhea” are two entirely different things, right?
M: Oh, MAN!

On fashion:

For a quick trip to the market today…  I wore my pajamas.  I know, I know, but I did.  I sent the kids on a mini-mission a couple of aisles away to find barbecue sauce, and I stopped at the butcher counter.

B: How can I help you?
MH: Three of those pork chops, please.
B: Okay…  nice outfit.
MH: Thank you.  I like yours too.  [He was wearing a white butcher’s coat — what was I supposed to say?]
B: Bet you’re warm, in all this rain.
MH: Yes.  And I’m an optimist.  I’m planning on a nap this afternoon.
[general laughter]

This is the same butcher who sold me one (singular) crab leg back in the summer.  I bet he goes home and tells stories about me to his kids.  Oh, well.  I tell stories about him to the internet.  I guess we’re even.

One of my less incriminating “when I was in college” stories

The kids love iCarly.  I have to admit, it’s a pretty funny show.  In fact, iCarly and Toddlers & Tiaras are what got me through the bar exam, if I’m honest.

But the point was, the kids love iCarly, and so for months they’ve been after me to cook spaghetti tacos, like on the show.

And I thought, oh, gross, seriously?  You want me to make spaghetti and meat sauce, and serve it in taco shells?  But yes, that is what they want.

And then a few days ago, I got to thinking about it…  and I remembered college.  Sometimes a shoestring budget will lead to culinary creativity, but the most memorable dishes from my undergraduate career…  well…  We didn’t even have that excuse.  We were just overly creative.

Example: In the dorm cafeteria, we’d put gummy bears into our mounds of mashed potatoes, let the bears get warm and gooey, and then eat the whole mess.

Example: Once we had a dinner party with a theme of something like “weird combinations.”  The two dishes I remember most (because they were actually edible-bordering-on-delicious) were 1) TVP brownies, and 2) green Jell-O with black olives.

And, really, there are people who eat peanut-butter-and-pickle sandwiches.

So, I thought about all of that, and then I thought about spaghetti tacos again.  What’s the worst that happens?  Worst outcome is that it’s disgusting, so after the first taco we ditch the shells and just have the spaghetti.  I say it’s a risk worth taking.

So on our supermarket run this Saturday, we’re getting all the fixins for spaghetti tacos.  I’ll let you know how they turn out!

It’s not all bad.

If you think this song might be for you, it probably is.  I miss you guys: